God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
