I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
