that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is the high leading the old right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
