after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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