I want to make a zoo with you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Mom said you looked used
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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