I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
