I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
