Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
