I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
