there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
