WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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