Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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