The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I intend to get homeless drunk
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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