Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
