dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
