dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
