Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
