I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
