i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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