Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
