my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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