It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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