We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
