Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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