I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
