Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
