Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
