It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
should my penis look like a turkey
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
