brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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