why didn't you poke me back
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
