Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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