I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
