Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
