video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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