I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
