I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
