Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
