i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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