and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
