shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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