Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
