how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
