Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
