Moan for me like Helen Keller
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
