He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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