Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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