btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
