there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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