Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
