i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
